Can you really walk in someone else’s shoes?

By Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa

Very simply put, empathy means we can walk in someone else’s shoes (not literally like this cartoon, of course).  Can you share another person’s feelings?  For a great leader, especially a Servant Leader, showing empathy and acceptance of others is essential to the growth and development of the people who live and work with them.  The truth is, anybody can lead perfect people.  However, I haven’t met a perfect person yet, have you?  Even though the work performance of others may be judge critically, people grow taller and perform their work tasks better when those who lead them empathize and accept them.

 

Empathy is a vehicle for effective understanding, communication, and relationships.  It is essential to find the solutions to problems that are so prevalent in today’s economic world.  Empathy is essential in handling complaints, retaining customers, building relationships, and leading others at home and in the workplace.  Most modern gurus in the areas of communications, management, and self development refer in one way or another to the importance of empathy.  We need to learn how to really understand another person’s feelings and emotions in order to promote professional and personal growth in ourselves and in others.

Showing empathy to your colleagues and family will help build trust because a leader who can empathize with others can also be trusted.   Acquiring empathy is about being in tune with who you are as a person.  The good news is, empathy involves skills and social beliefs, most of which can be learned.  I believe that people working on and developing their empathy skills can ultimately end some of the human suffering that happens on a daily basis in our world…it is THAT important and powerful!

Empathy is not an easy skill to learn and it is definitely not an easy skill to teach.  But, with some practice and patience (and yes, prayer), you will be able to refine and develop your empathy skills this week by working on the following suggestions.  Keep in mind that by becoming more empathetic, you are one step closer to becoming a more effective Servant Leader.  We all should be more conscious of how we relate to others because this world could use a few more Servant Leaders, don’t you agree?

Empathy Lesson #1 – 

Reflect on Your Own Feelings and Distinguish Them from the Feelings of Others

                        Recognize your own needs

                        Regulate your own emotional responses

                        Become more self aware

                        Take another person’s perspective on a subject

Empathy Lesson #2 – 

Imagine the Perspective of another Person

                        Discover what you have in common with others

                        Cultivate compassion

                        Have an Open Door Policy at work,
                               encouraging others to talk to you

                        Practice your listening skills

Empathy Lesson #3 – 

Bounce Back from Negative Emotions

                        Think before you act

                        Don’t let yourself dwell on the negative

                        Find something positive about the situation

                        Be thankful today for all that is good and right in your world

Empathy Lesson #4 – 

Establish Rapport with Others

                        Take time to get to know people

                        Try to identify and relate to others

                        Identify rapport-establishing phrases

                        Use a communication style that is sympathetic and interested

Empathy Lesson #5 – 

Reflect

                        Realize that empathizing is hard work

                        Recognize your own biases

                        Develop an appetite for learning about other cultures

                        Keep an open mind and a positive attitude

Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa is a mother, educator, and wife living in the Rio Grande Valley in Texas.  She is a PhD student with Our Lady of the Lake University in Leadership Studies.  Mrs. Baggerly-Hinojosa is the CEO of The Main Thing Leadership Coaching Firm and is currently researching the relationship between the leadership of the high school principal and the high school drop out rate.  This article is an excerpt from the self published book, Are You A Ten?  The Ten Characteristics of a Servant Leader.   For ordering information, please contact Mrs. Baggerly-Hinojosa at Barb313679@aol.com.

Are you a good listener? by Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa

An old Italian proverb says, “From listening comes wisdom, from speaking comes repentance.”  In today’s technological world, listening is not practiced as much as it should be.  However, a true servant leader will listen first because true listening builds strength in others.  As Robert Greenleaf said, “In saying what I have in mind, will I really improve the silence?” 

Listening can be described as an attitude toward other people.  You may think that you are a good listener, but do the people around you agree or disagree?  Has anyone ever looked at you with a disappointed expression and said, “Are you listening to me?”   Let’s face it, being a good listener is not as easy as it sounds.  We’ve all drifted off into our own thoughts when we were supposed to be paying attention to what someone else was saying.  Maybe it is because the subject matter is boring or the person speaking is just not interesting.  Or, perhaps, we are distracted with our own personal issues.  Whatever it is, we all could use some tips on how to be better listeners.

If we can become better listeners, we will retain more information, spend less time trying to recall information, improve our quality of work, and strengthen our relationships.  It takes concentration and determination to be an active listener.  Old habits are hard to break, and if the listening habits you have developed over time are as many people’s are, then there’s a lot of habit breaking to do.  Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself constantly that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. 

So, are you a good listener?  I think we can all use some tips to become a better listener, don’t you?  So, what do you say, let’s work on using active listening today to become a better communicator and improve your workplace productivity and relationships.  We all should be working to become a more servant leader in our homes and our workplaces.  The following five daily exercises will help you become a more effective listener as you travel down the road to becoming a more effect servant leader.

Lesson #1 – Pay Attention!

                        Listen more than you speak

                        Stay focused on what the other person is saying

                        Look at the speaker directly

                        Put aside distracting thoughts

                        Stop doing other things

Lesson #2 – Provide Feedback

                        Focus on using body language

                        Make eye contact

                        Uncross your arms

                        Nod occasionally

                        Turn your shoulders so that you are facing the speaker

Lesson #3 – Defer Judgment

                        Be open minded

                        Allow the speaker to finish

                        Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments

                        Validate the speaker

                        Share in the speaker’s emotions and feelings

Lesson #4 – Respond Appropriately

                        Resist the urge to dominate the conversation

                        Ask questions to clarify certain points

                        Be candid, open, and honest in your responses

                        Ask open ended questions to promote further discussions

                        Don’t say, “I told you so.” Or “I knew that.”

Lesson #5 – Exercise Your Mind

                        Realize that listening is hard work

                        Recognize your own biases

                        Develop an appetite for hearing a variety of presentations

                        Prepare to listen by having an open mind and a positive 

                           mental attitude

                        Research topics of concern in your household or industry

Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa is a mother, educator, and wife living in the Rio Grande Valley in Texas.  She is a PhD student with Our Lady of the Lake University in Leadership Studies.  Mrs. Baggerly-Hinojosa is the CEO of The Main Thing Leadership Coaching Firm and is currently researching the relationship between the leadership of the high school principal and the high school drop out rate.  This article is an excerpt from the self published book, Are You A Ten?  The Ten Characteristics of a Servant Leader.   For ordering information, please contact Mrs. Baggerly-Hinojosa at Barb313679@aol.com.

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We look forward to you sharing and your feedback on all of the posts. Thanks a Billion in advance!

WOW!!! S. M. I. L. E. comes to life as an act of kindness!

Please enjoy this video created and 'payed forward' by Shelli Oliphant.  (I know you didn't want me to mention it, but it touched me too deeply not to do so.)


Shelli took the challenge and wrote me her summary.  I issued the challenge almost one year ago and no one responded until she did just this week.  I have her permission to share her comments with you and will do so in the next post. 


(Thank you, Shelli! I love it and appreciate you sharing your skills with me.)


Thank You for viewing and sharing.  I hope it inspires you to participate.  Please let me know if you do and what comes out of your experience, ok?


Thanks a Billion!

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