Young women should learn from the 20/20 hindsight of the mature

By Sharon Watkins-Jones

Conventional wisdom says that men in their forties and fifties experience midlife crises. That's too bad for them!

Women I know in their forties, including me, are experiencing a midlife ego explosion.   It's a tremendous second wind. Some of us have completed our baby-tending era and many of us are just getting started.  In any event, we forty-somethings feel like we can conquer the world, or not.  We do what we like.  In the mornings when I step out of my car and walk into the office, I'm positive I can hear Patti LaBelle singing, "hey sista, go sista, soul sista, go sista!"


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Sharon is a community college administrator, former special education teacher, wife of 17 years and mother of two school-age children in northwest Houston. Her primary interests are family-inclusive culture and arts, travel, politics, historical literature, Texas Longhorns and all things Disney.

Can you really walk in someone else’s shoes?

By Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa

Very simply put, empathy means we can walk in someone else’s shoes (not literally like this cartoon, of course).  Can you share another person’s feelings?  For a great leader, especially a Servant Leader, showing empathy and acceptance of others is essential to the growth and development of the people who live and work with them.  The truth is, anybody can lead perfect people.  However, I haven’t met a perfect person yet, have you?  Even though the work performance of others may be judge critically, people grow taller and perform their work tasks better when those who lead them empathize and accept them.

 

Empathy is a vehicle for effective understanding, communication, and relationships.  It is essential to find the solutions to problems that are so prevalent in today’s economic world.  Empathy is essential in handling complaints, retaining customers, building relationships, and leading others at home and in the workplace.  Most modern gurus in the areas of communications, management, and self development refer in one way or another to the importance of empathy.  We need to learn how to really understand another person’s feelings and emotions in order to promote professional and personal growth in ourselves and in others.

Showing empathy to your colleagues and family will help build trust because a leader who can empathize with others can also be trusted.   Acquiring empathy is about being in tune with who you are as a person.  The good news is, empathy involves skills and social beliefs, most of which can be learned.  I believe that people working on and developing their empathy skills can ultimately end some of the human suffering that happens on a daily basis in our world…it is THAT important and powerful!

Empathy is not an easy skill to learn and it is definitely not an easy skill to teach.  But, with some practice and patience (and yes, prayer), you will be able to refine and develop your empathy skills this week by working on the following suggestions.  Keep in mind that by becoming more empathetic, you are one step closer to becoming a more effective Servant Leader.  We all should be more conscious of how we relate to others because this world could use a few more Servant Leaders, don’t you agree?

Empathy Lesson #1 – 

Reflect on Your Own Feelings and Distinguish Them from the Feelings of Others

                        Recognize your own needs

                        Regulate your own emotional responses

                        Become more self aware

                        Take another person’s perspective on a subject

Empathy Lesson #2 – 

Imagine the Perspective of another Person

                        Discover what you have in common with others

                        Cultivate compassion

                        Have an Open Door Policy at work,
                               encouraging others to talk to you

                        Practice your listening skills

Empathy Lesson #3 – 

Bounce Back from Negative Emotions

                        Think before you act

                        Don’t let yourself dwell on the negative

                        Find something positive about the situation

                        Be thankful today for all that is good and right in your world

Empathy Lesson #4 – 

Establish Rapport with Others

                        Take time to get to know people

                        Try to identify and relate to others

                        Identify rapport-establishing phrases

                        Use a communication style that is sympathetic and interested

Empathy Lesson #5 – 

Reflect

                        Realize that empathizing is hard work

                        Recognize your own biases

                        Develop an appetite for learning about other cultures

                        Keep an open mind and a positive attitude

Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa is a mother, educator, and wife living in the Rio Grande Valley in Texas.  She is a PhD student with Our Lady of the Lake University in Leadership Studies.  Mrs. Baggerly-Hinojosa is the CEO of The Main Thing Leadership Coaching Firm and is currently researching the relationship between the leadership of the high school principal and the high school drop out rate.  This article is an excerpt from the self published book, Are You A Ten?  The Ten Characteristics of a Servant Leader.   For ordering information, please contact Mrs. Baggerly-Hinojosa at Barb313679@aol.com.

What can a Black girl do? by Sharon Watkins-Jones

And it all begins with a little mouse. *** Photo: S Jones 2006

Ten years ago, my four-year old daughter and I were extremely excited about a pending trip downtown to enjoy Houston Ballet’s rendition of our perennial favorite, The Nutcracker. Our family had only been living in Houston for about six months, but one of the first things we did was to enroll our baby girl in ballet classes at Margo Marshall studios. We had known since she first donned a tutu, at eighteen months, that ballet was her thing. Our pretty princess twirled and tiptoed in her sleep.

Our daughter had already taken dance lessons for two years, in our previous hometown, Austin, and she already had attended two Nutcracker performances of Ballet Austin. This toddler was no novice to the art of ballet or to theater performances. She scoffed at any seat beyond mid-orchestra level and had many ticket stubs in her tiny sequined purse, shaped like a ballet slipper.

We met a nice mother and daughter at the new preschool and the girls got along so well (twirling and tiptoeing on the playground each day) that we were invited to join them for The Nutcracker. They bought the tickets, picked us up and we scurried downtown in our finest holiday apparel for an elegant evening at the theatre.

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Sharon is a community college administrator, former special education teacher, wife of 17 years and mother of two school-age children in northwest Houston. Her primary interests are family-inclusive culture and arts, travel, politics, historical literature, Texas Longhorns and all things Disney.

Are you a good listener? by Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa

An old Italian proverb says, “From listening comes wisdom, from speaking comes repentance.”  In today’s technological world, listening is not practiced as much as it should be.  However, a true servant leader will listen first because true listening builds strength in others.  As Robert Greenleaf said, “In saying what I have in mind, will I really improve the silence?” 

Listening can be described as an attitude toward other people.  You may think that you are a good listener, but do the people around you agree or disagree?  Has anyone ever looked at you with a disappointed expression and said, “Are you listening to me?”   Let’s face it, being a good listener is not as easy as it sounds.  We’ve all drifted off into our own thoughts when we were supposed to be paying attention to what someone else was saying.  Maybe it is because the subject matter is boring or the person speaking is just not interesting.  Or, perhaps, we are distracted with our own personal issues.  Whatever it is, we all could use some tips on how to be better listeners.

If we can become better listeners, we will retain more information, spend less time trying to recall information, improve our quality of work, and strengthen our relationships.  It takes concentration and determination to be an active listener.  Old habits are hard to break, and if the listening habits you have developed over time are as many people’s are, then there’s a lot of habit breaking to do.  Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself constantly that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. 

So, are you a good listener?  I think we can all use some tips to become a better listener, don’t you?  So, what do you say, let’s work on using active listening today to become a better communicator and improve your workplace productivity and relationships.  We all should be working to become a more servant leader in our homes and our workplaces.  The following five daily exercises will help you become a more effective listener as you travel down the road to becoming a more effect servant leader.

Lesson #1 – Pay Attention!

                        Listen more than you speak

                        Stay focused on what the other person is saying

                        Look at the speaker directly

                        Put aside distracting thoughts

                        Stop doing other things

Lesson #2 – Provide Feedback

                        Focus on using body language

                        Make eye contact

                        Uncross your arms

                        Nod occasionally

                        Turn your shoulders so that you are facing the speaker

Lesson #3 – Defer Judgment

                        Be open minded

                        Allow the speaker to finish

                        Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments

                        Validate the speaker

                        Share in the speaker’s emotions and feelings

Lesson #4 – Respond Appropriately

                        Resist the urge to dominate the conversation

                        Ask questions to clarify certain points

                        Be candid, open, and honest in your responses

                        Ask open ended questions to promote further discussions

                        Don’t say, “I told you so.” Or “I knew that.”

Lesson #5 – Exercise Your Mind

                        Realize that listening is hard work

                        Recognize your own biases

                        Develop an appetite for hearing a variety of presentations

                        Prepare to listen by having an open mind and a positive 

                           mental attitude

                        Research topics of concern in your household or industry

Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa is a mother, educator, and wife living in the Rio Grande Valley in Texas.  She is a PhD student with Our Lady of the Lake University in Leadership Studies.  Mrs. Baggerly-Hinojosa is the CEO of The Main Thing Leadership Coaching Firm and is currently researching the relationship between the leadership of the high school principal and the high school drop out rate.  This article is an excerpt from the self published book, Are You A Ten?  The Ten Characteristics of a Servant Leader.   For ordering information, please contact Mrs. Baggerly-Hinojosa at Barb313679@aol.com.

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We look forward to you sharing and your feedback on all of the posts. Thanks a Billion in advance!

Introducing Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa, Contributing Writer on Servant Leadership

Barbara Baggerly-Hinojosa is a mother, educator, and wife living in the Rio Grande Valley in Texas.  She is a PhD student with Our Lady of the Lake University in Leadership Studies.  Mrs. Baggerly-Hinojosa is the CEO of The Main Thing Leadership Coaching Firm and is currently researching the relationship between the leadership of the high school principal and the high school drop out rate.  

PARENTING ~ Any Given Saturday by Sharon Watkins-Jones

On any given Saturday in Texas, in the fall, families gather to cheer on little boys in full protective gear, as they battle it out on local football fields. Here, we start them early and make them tough. Most Texas cities, large and small, have youth football leagues with team members as young as 5 or 6 years old. 

Mothers wince as their babies hit or get hit. Fathers beam with pride and live out dreams deferred through the youthful arms and legs of their little men. Every parent in the stands expects that their son has the potential to be as great as their favorite Monday Night Football sensation. 

Despite the fact that my young son is fortunate enough to play for a Houston youth league which emphasizes the importance of good grades in addition to athletic ability and good sportsmanship, I can’t help but notice the degree of intensity on the faces of many parents, including my husband's, on Saturday mornings.  

A particularly feisty mom put her hands on her hips and demanded, “Shake it off, boy!” as her child took a particularly nasty blow when the helmet holding his head hit the ground during a play. “Get your butt in gear!” barked a father to his son, clearly dissatisfied with the lack of speed in the boy’s hustle onto the field to join the game.

Being the Master People Watcher that I am, I have often observed just how much bigger this Saturday football thing is than just letting boys be boys. This football thing is a ful-blown pursuit of fame and fortune, or if neither, then at least bragging rights.

When I taught at a private school, I was grading papers in my room and overheard a parent-teacher conference next door. The father of a child had been summoned to discuss his son’s failure to complete weekly homework assignments. After hearing the parent’s explanation that the boy was merely too tired to crack the books after football practice, the teacher asked, “Isn’t Joey’s schoolwork more important than football?” 

What the hell was she thinking? That father literally exploded. In his best Bayou City drawl he shouted, “Lady, all I want you to do is teach him while he’s at school. I already know he ain’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but my boy can play football and I’m here to make sure he gets his shot at a career. So you just get off his back with your stupid homework. I’m paying for my kid to be here, so teach him and leave us alone.” Joey was six years old and in the first grade. The homework in question involved writing a short list of spelling words, three times each.

I can only assume Joey made it to ninth grade this year, but if his father had his way, Joey’s football game is probably tight. But, just how tight does a boy’s game have to be to make it to the collegiate level and beyond?

According to a 2005 NCAA study, 5.8% or just about one in 17 American high school senior boys playing interscholastic football will also play at an NCAA-member college or university (either by walk-on or scholarship). The odds of those same high school seniors going on to play football professionally are approximately 9 in 10,000.

Good luck selling those steep odds to the families assembled on Fridays and Saturdays to watch their perceived first-round draft picks, from Pop Warner through 5-A varsity. They love football and when it comes to their sons, visions of signing day photographs, Heisman trophy ceremonies, and championship rings dance in their heads. 

Who wouldn’t love to see their son flash a million dollar smile at the camera and say “Hi, Mom” from the sidelines? Who wouldn’t be tickled to death that their boy is the lucky son-of-a-gun featured in the “I’m Going to Disney World” commercial after the Super Bowl? I’d sure enjoy that ticker tape parade just as much as any other mom. I think I’d be darn cute in a Campbell’s soup commercial with my Bubba, AKA the Enforcer.

Yeah, my boy is that good, too.  I swear!

Unfortunately, the pressure kids face to be their athletic best can drive them to dangerous behaviors, including anorexia, bulimia and abuse of performance enhancing drugs. Also, if athletic performance overshadows academic performance, kids don’t have a “plan B” when hoop dreams and end zone fantasies fail to materialize. In my current position, I see more than a few varsity letter-jacket wearers lining up to take the GED exam or remedial college courses every semester to jump-start their stalled vehicles for success.

Last Saturday, our team of rough and tumble six-year-olds triumphed over their equally sweaty, snaggly-toothed, cherub-faced peers in opposing colors. After shaking hands with the losers and running through a victory tunnel of smiling fans, the battle-weary gladiators enjoyed hot dogs, chips and Gatorade. While the adults continued to bask in the glow of conquest, the tykes from both teams caught an amazing second wind to chase each other in, under and around the bleachers, proving once and for all that the best experiences in life are usually obtained off the field.

Sharon Watkins-Jones, Author

Sharon is a community college administrator, former special education teacher, wife of 17 years and mother of two school-age children in northwest Houston. Her primary interests are family-inclusive culture and arts, travel, politics, historical literature, Texas Longhorns and all things Disney.

PARENTING: Old school tips for a new school year

by Sharon Watkins-Jones


According to the television commercial for Staples office supplies, it’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year! It’s time for our little darlings to go back to school. Can I get a collective Tiger Woods’ fist pump? Yesss! 

You’ve taken full advantage of the Texas Tax Free Weekend to purchase school gear, packed healthy lunches, given those sweet babies instructions to “be good” and shoved them out the door this morning. Now what?  Two words: GET INVOLVED.

I was fortunate to have been raised by two educators. If I didn’t recognize that advantage as a child, I certainly do now, as a parent. If you didn’t have parents who were active in your schooling, review these pointers from my old school upbringing for some tried and true tips to help your kids start the school year off right:

1.       Visit your child’s school early, visit often and visit unexpectedly.  Remember when your parent or grandparent would just show up at your school and not on a special program or field day? Remember how embarrassed you felt that your nosy mama would just come and have lunch with you or look in on your classroom, sometime for no apparent reason?  Why did she always want to chaperone the school dances and such?

Who knew that her unexpected visits were designed to keep you and your teacher on your toes? Check on those wonderful children of yours as often as your schedule allows. Let the school know that you have a vested interest as a parent, and taxpayer or tuition payer, in campus activities and will be around to check on your investment whenever the mood strikes you.

2.       Examine the contents of your child’s backpack daily.  I hated it when my parents got all up in my business! I was not planning to study for that history exam a whole two weeks before it was scheduled. But, no…somebody’s mom had to go and read that teacher’s note, balled up in the back pocket of my Trapper Keeper, advising of the exam date and providing an extensive, yet voluntary, review worksheet. I was so busted and so busy doing that worksheet when I so obviously had other plans for my “free time.” 

      
     Our kids deserve that same due diligence, and it’s so much more fun now that we’re the bossy grown-ups.  If you’re not meticulously and regularly checking your kids’ backpacks, pockets and folders for school correspondence, you could miss out on notifications as minor as picture day, or as major as standardized testing days or parent conferences. If you ignore the daily grades, you might be blindsided by the grade on the report card. 

Don't be afraid to turn those angels upside down and shake out all the loose change, playground gravel, homework, progress reports and/or important notices they may have failed to bring to your attention.

3.       Keep your child’s teacher’s phone number on speed dial and his or her email address on your Blackberry.  Not sure of the specific details of that volcano science project? Didn’t write down the due date for the research paper? No problem. Mama was on the case. She had Mrs. Green on the phone before you could fix your lips to say, “Wait! I found my notes!” 

These days, it’s too easy to find the answers to all your educational questions. Email the principal, the teacher, heck, even the superintendent, just to say, “Hi, my name is Mrs. Jones and I can (and want to) be reached at any time for any news, good or bad, relating to my child.” As a former teacher, I know for a fact that parents who stay in touch are an educator’s best ally.

     Don't let your first contact with Mr. Crabapple be an unpleasant one.  Call him now before he has to call you for a negative reason.  Let your teacher know early that you intend to partner with him for your child's success. 

     Whether your child lives in a  single or two-parent home, each parent should make every effort to make contact and show face regularly on campus. Not all teachers make racial or socioeconomic assumptions about their students at first glance, but in case you get one who does, make sure your school knows that both parents (and grandparents, too, if they live in close proximity) can and will do whatever it takes to ensure a wonderful educational experience for their child.

4.       When an educator suggests a behavior problem, listen, and consider your child’s point of view in your deliberations.    When I and my best 4^th grade buddy decided to try out some 4-letter words on a note passed between us during math, my dad was immediately summoned to St. Alban’s to speak with the principal. After reviewing the smoking gun, Dad apologized profusely for his juvenile delinquent and assured the principal that such language was neither used, nor acceptable in our home (I tried to hide my shock). In the car, Dad asked me why I had chosen to “cuss” with my friend on paper. My explanation fell way short of reasonable, so Daddy shared a few more of those 4-letter words with me along with the promise of a thrashing from Mom later. I knew that my punishment was well deserved and I was henceforth more careful in demonstrating my swearing skills to others. 

Fast forward four years to St. Mary’s Middle School. Sister Pat called a meeting with my dad to discuss my smarting off with her in religion class. My father insisted to Sister Pat that I had certainly been taught to be more respectful and that I would be dealt with accordingly. Sensing there was more to the story than had been told by the teacher, my dad asked me for details in the car. Upon learning that Sister Pat had singled me out and ridiculed me as the only non-Catholic student in the class, Dad understood exactly why I pointed out that Sister Pat had a mustache. We fist bumped and stopped for ice cream before going home with our bad Baptist selves.

Bottom line, if you are asked to intervene in a disciplinary action, listen carefully and make no assumptions. Sometimes your kid is a knucklehead, sometimes his teacher is one.

Hug a teacher this week (he or she really needs it), and have a wonderful school year!  If you have tips (or old school recollections) to share, please feel free to do so in the comments section, below.

Sharon Watkins-Jones, Author

Sharon is a community college administrator, former special education teacher, wife of 17 years and mother of two school-age children in northwest Houston. Her primary interests are family-inclusive culture and arts, travel, politics, historical literature, Texas Longhorns and all things Disney.